BleacH tHe SinS!

It’s been a while since I last updated this blog. It’s not
because I am lazy of doing it but rather because I don’t think I would like to
share the crunching feeling I had within me.

I think my life is sucks, full of sadness and full of disappointments.
I don’t actually achieve anything in life other than the feeling of fighting a
losing battle. Why can’t I be like anybody else, put the downs of life aside
and strive for the future. True, that I had learn from my downs, try not to
make the same mistakes again but the feeling of losing keeps on hunting me. Haunting
every second of my life, disturb my sleep, occupied my mind like a creepy
disease, pulling me down and prevent me of stepping forward. Plus I don’t have
anybody to turn to, nobody to hear my cries and mumble rubbish about my life
and disappointment I had. I feel lonely like a guy in a desert, left alone to
died alone.

 All this time I always have a negative thinking about
myself. I always critical about myself. Even though I try to change that perception,
I know I can’t deny who I am. I always have this concept of myself,
stupid-short-hideous-lazy boy who don’t know where he’s coming from nor know
where he’s heading to. Now with things that happen to me in this few weeks, the
concept seems to be true.

 I used to say this to a friend, "I’ll be like a common
person, pick myself up after a fall, stand up and ready for another blow".
The truth is, I been picking myself up all this years and it looks like I’m
tired of it. I’m tired of taking blow after blow, tired of falling down and
tired of keeping myself up for others to give me a blow.

 So I just wonder, what shall I do next??